Understanding

  My understanding & how i see many things is very different these days. I try to stay positive in a situation I never thought I would be in. I wasn’t with my family, the most important thing in the world to me. More than that, my reason for just being. 

  I believed “for better or worse” when I said it the day I got married. Although i wouldn’t call myself religious, I am an absolute and true believer in Gods existence. So something as important as making a vow & asking ‘Him’ to recognise it, I took seriously. 

     As my life spiralled further out of control in so many forms of self-destructive behaviours, move forward 10 years and i was in a deep, dark depression of the unspeakable. I battled to survive & I did some shit things in order to do so.

  Years of miscommunication, misunderstanding, feelings of hopelessness from both of us,  I separated from my wife. Emotionally first, then finally physically when she closed the door one night & told me not to come back.

 My life would never be the same and was about to take me to places of loneliness that has no words, darkness & overwhelming sadness. 

     There have been some tough times. I can tell you that. But apart from some really dark moments, I basically survived to a point where i can at least breathe. In and Out. One day at a time. 1 week at a time. Its all i can do but it wasnt thst long ago that i couldnt even see this day for us. 

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The Resurrected Trader

I was the youngest 'local' trader in history on the Sydney Futures Exchange. There wasn't any other place I should be. I went from nearly nothing to having everything I ever wanted materially. The house on the harbour, the Porsche & Harley, an abundance of cash, drugs and everything else I could waste money on. My risk taking was out of control and if anyone knew the truth, they would think of me as insane. Certifiable. Then one day it was gone and life as I had come to know it was over. I'd lost everything I had and more. These are my thoughts in the aftermath. In my battle to stay afloat and ultimately, my fight for survival.

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