We’ve always been told that we can’t change the past. You can not change things that have happened to us or the things we did. What’s done is done.
Something we have all been told at some point in our lives is to just “move on and get over it”. If you have done shit things then you’ll just have to live with it & perhaps make up for it in the future if ever given the chance to make amends.
But this is wrong in some contexts. Ok, you can’t change what happened. You can’t go back and relive it, but you can change the MEANING of it… and if you change what it means to you, than you essentially change the past too.
Was there ever a time in your life when something horrible happened and you thought, “Why is this happening to me?” But then a few years later you looked back and you could answer that question?
In retrospect, you at least understood why it happened. More time had bought a better understanding and even a clearer reason or meaning to something that at one point was causing you so much pain or negative self-talk.
At first, it seemed like the world was caving in. Later, it all made sense and changed how you felt about whatever occurred. It changed what it meant to you and how you understood everything surrounding it better.
What you thought was your past ceased to be true. Its meaning had changed. Your past had changed.
That future significant occurance changes how you feel about the past and therefore what it meant to you. You see and recall it in your memory differently.
It is different so in retrospect so is your past.
It is often the events that FOLLOW bad times that determine the ultimate meaning of those times.
In other words, it’s your future that determines your past; not the other way around. And since we are in charge of our future, then we determine the meaning of our past.
In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are part of a process that leads to something good! It’s the events that FOLLOW bad times that determine the ultimate meaning of those times.
It’s interesting to think about this in the context of an age-old question: Do we have free choice or is everything predetermined? The answer is YES. Everything is predetermined AND we have free choice.
It’s like when you play a card game. You get dealt a hand. And you have no control over the cards you get dealt.
Ultimately, it’s the COMBINATION of the hand you’re dealt and the way you play it that determines the outcome. And it’s the outcome that shapes your view of the original hand you were dealt.
. God & Life deals you a hand. There’s nothing you can do to change that. But you get to play that hand. You get to respond to the events of your life. And it’s your response, your actions in the future, which determine the meaning of the events in your past.
Another important point is you don’t have to get over the past anyway. The past is over!
What’s important is the MEANING the past has for you NOW. And the MEANING of your past is determined by your actions in the future.
The people I know who have the best marriages or friendships are people who went through hell in their relationship. They “got over” their past because they used it as a catalyst to IMPROVE their situation
It’s strange how life works sometimes, but if you play your hand right, your hurts become part of your healing. And, in fact, when it comes to relationships, it’s usually bad times that awaken people to search for new ways, better ways and therefore happier lives.
Whenever you can, stop and think about what you have learned from things that have happened that were hard on you. Then change the narrative in your mind around what that hard time was. Match the lesson you learned against it and it instantly changes what it was to you. This is how we grow, heal and even forgive ourselves.